cheater

Call me a cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Call me a liar, liar pants on fire.

You could get kicked out of school for failing

You could get kicked out of school if you misbehave

But the one thing that will get you gone for sure

Is if you're a cheater cheater cheater cheater

Don't know if I'm cheating on you

Cuz you wouldn't ever do it to me

Catch it just like the flu

And you'll start to be

Lying lying and

trying trying and

Doin' everything you can

To keep your past in the past.

You're friends get pissed if you cheat in poker

You're friends get pissed if you rig you blackjack hand

So if you cheat just like that, going behind their back

Labelled a cheater, cheater, cheater, cheater

Don't know if I'm cheating on you

Cuz you wouldn't ever do it to me

Catch it just like the flu

And you'll start to be

Lying, lying and

Trying, trying and

Doin' everything you can

To keep your past in the past

The first time I was called a cheater

The first time I really started to lie

I didn't learn my lesson, couldn't ask for a blessin'

Always a cheater, cheater, cheater, cheater

Don't know if I'm cheating on you

Cuz you wouldn't ever do it to me

Catch it just like the flu

And you'll start to be

Lying, lying and

Trying, trying and

Doin' everything you can

To keep your past in the past

You say you'd never cheat on your schoolwork

You'd never cheat in Candyland

But you're man ain't around

How damn convinient

So you make it your dark secret

Who really knows if you can keep it

You start lying lying

and trying trying and

Doin' everything you can

To hide the fact that

You're a cheater cheater cheater cheater

And keep your past in the past

Facebook

1 hour before I return to Facebook! Yay! I'll post tomorrow after I've returned haha.

Professional Behavior

So today I was really surprised and proud that I was able to distinguish what my musical director calls "professional behavior." When she asked me to step in for one of my friends in a cameo part, I was really happy to be given an opportunity to perform whether in class or in the show, but I knew that proper restraint would not involve me gossiping about why my friend needed an understudy or anything of the kind. When I heard my friends doing that I asked them to stop, and I think that today really helped me realize my growth in the theatre by taking the high road. This is the second time in my "career" that I have stepped in as an understudy, and I realize how important it is to be modest about this role. While the theatre world may be cutthroat, high school is the only time we get to make mistakes and learn from them, so I know that I am really thankful for this experience as all the cast members are so when I do a show in college, for example, I will not appear inexperienced and make unprofessional conduct mistakes.

The List

So today we restarted "The List," a purely aesthetic view of what couples we want to see in our high school. The List began in 8th grade where we were summoned to the principals office after "hurting people with the list." Today, I hurt Renee with the list, basically papercutting her face. I think I'm cursed. Anyways, I created a creative notebook for myself which is called Lost and Found constructed from a middle schooler's notebook I discovered in the Lost & Found, ripped the cover off of and added my own. So far it contains only the list but I hope to grace it with the presence of my creative attempts at writing.

Lost & Found

I lost it forever

And found something new

I know I said never

But now I can't tell what's true

What may be more permanent

Isn't what really counts

Like performing a sacrament

To be blessed the right amounts

But a

hop

skip

jump

Can lead in the right direction

And a

tendu

prep

passe

spot, spot

One glance without focus and I'm left without protection

There's a lot that I've lost

And just enough that I've found

That I can still feel the cost

Without turning around.

Kevin Murrmurr

This is my post about my freshman friend Kevin.

He needs to exist, and by that I mean be mentioned in my blog.

Reasons Kevin is cool:

- He is a master debater

- He has rock hard abs

- He dated Elly

- He is making lots of money for our prom through In&Out

- He used to think I lived in Ms. Williams office

- He is really good at cube runner

- He once asked: "Once you take someone's virginity, do you get to keep it for life?"

Yes, Kevin. I'm sure you'll have girls... hell, even men, lining up who want to eternally share their virginity with you.

Feels like the First time

Ok, so I'm aware what I'm about to say might make me sound like a slut, but I'm saying it in the best of all possible ways (Candide reference *cough* *cough*). Don't you feel like when you're someone else's first time you get to have a new first time for yourself? I'm not just talking about sex, of course, but like even a first kiss. The nervousness that surrounds it and the smile that slowly breaks it is so surreal in that no matter how good or bad your first kiss was, this other person who you now want to be with more than your first is experiencing this for the first time and you want them to remember it forever, and, in some cases, you will too. I guess it's the same idea as when my little sister sees a movie and loves it and immediately wants to watch it with someone else to see their reaction. When my daughter (if I have kids, fill in the blank niece maybe) asks me about my first kiss, I'm not going to disappoint her. I mean, my first kiss was good but I wasn't like overwhelmingly happy about being with this guy. So, maybe I'll tell her the story of this 'first kiss':

I can't really pin point a day that we were "together." I guess it must have been the night at one of our mutual friend's house where we held hands for the third time while watching "Happy Gillmore" and "I am Legend." The following week was spring break, but when we returned suddenly I would be talking to friends and he'd come up behind me to give me a hug and it was really, really sweet. I tried to spend as much time as I possibly could with him, but when we were sitting together in a way that normally I would just start making out with the guy (you know, holding hands, his arm around me, sitting on a bench on the fern patio, one of my favorite places on the campus) I think I was the one avoiding it. I was nervous! Me! I wanted it to be perfect. The next day I was determined to be more open to the idea. We went to the park across the street and sat together and looked at the trees and flowers. I swear to you, in those two days there were about 30 different moments that would have been good for a kiss, but, of course, good things come to those who wait (see the morals I threw in!). The wind wasn't helping the situation, I didn't want him to get a mouthful of hair. So I kept pulling it back hoping the right moment would come each time I did. And it did. Our lips touched. A brief pause, then I lean back into him, longer this time. I pull back and smile. I was so focused on containing myself and not at all accidentally pointing out the extreme gap in experience which I don't care about but I'm always worried the other person will. Anyways, we went back to school and after a long time of wasting time we ended up on the same bench we had been on the day before. It happened again. Once on the bench and, again, standing up a minute after. 

Many of my friends say this will be good for me. It's been a long time since I've been in  an actual relationship and the phrase "committed relationship" is a foreign concept in my vocabulary. I've cheated on 5 people. I seem not to learn from my mistakes but I want this to work so bad that maybe I can work through whatever it is that is keeping my conscience quiet and be happy, for real this time.

Focus

I cannot focus. I have a paper due for history in 11.5 hours and I have only written one page. I am unbelievably giddy and happy with my new status with a certain boy, and am excited to go to school tomorrow even though it is diversity day, which no one knows what its gonna be like. 

But, I'm happy! Isn't that the only thing that matters? I'll get my paper done. Happiness is key.

:)