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Here's my latest song, any suggestions for a title?

A boy and a girl

Walking off towards the sunset

Together hand in hand

But what I don't understand

Doesn't the sun get in their eyes?

He sings about love

He sings about happiness

But never tells us how to make it last

She cried when she had him

Now she cries that he left her

What use is that too me?

I used to play these songs on my stereo

Wondering when it would happen to me

Dreaming of that day

Romeo's outside my window

Or Prince Charming is knocking on my door

And now I'm listening to the music playing

Trying to know the words they're saying

But they don't speak to me

Because I"m different from them

I'm not living through that life

You and I aren't coming to this

There's a whole world between them and our kiss

Oh when I think about you

No song can describe

Unless they're living the life that I am

And they come close

But it just isn't the same

Because my heart and my music just puts them to shame.

He sings about love

He sings about happiness

But never tells us how to make it last

She cried when she had him

Now she cries that he left her

What use is that to me?

And now I'm listening to the music playing

Trying to know the words they're saying

But they don't speak to me

Because I'm different from them

I'm not living through that life

You and I aren't coming to this

There's a whole world between them and our

Listening to the music playing

Trying to know the words they're saying

But they don't speak to me

Because I'm different from them 

I'm not living through that life

You and I aren't coming to this

There's a whole world between them and our everything

Everything a whole world of difference

And if their life is better well

I don't care

Because this is who I am

A boy and a girl

Walking off towards the sunset

Together hand in hand

They've got their Ray-bans on.

WIndow

A window into someone else's world.

I can see you, and you can see me.

Put down the barriers that were held in between

I can see you, and you can see me.

No matter what is going on

I can see you, and you can see me.

Because We are on

Video Chat.

Songs written by my Fever

How did I lose you?
Am I just that naive?
I was just tuggin on your sleeve
But you couldn't feel it
I might've crossed the borderline
But where was it at?

Is there someone at my door
I checked and there was no one there
How'd I go crazy Over you?
Wish I could start over and stop my heart back then
You're a fool, too young
Common sense has yet to have sprung
Forth from your mind,
So stop crying and trying
to be something your not

I know there's a difference
Between persistence and one night stands (I should know)
But I could tell that there was more,
But now I'm not so sure
Because of all the things you never said
Its for the best, I should just rest but I still wonder

Is there someone at my door
I checked and there was no one there
How'd I go crazy Over you?
Wish I could start over and stop my heart back then
You're a fool, too young
Common sense has yet to have sprung
Forth from your mind,
So stop crying and trying
to be something your not

I guess I should say,
You're smart
You stepped away while you still could
I guess I should've known
If kept acting this way
Someday you'd be gone for good

Is there someone at my door
I checked and there was no one there
How'd I go crazy Over you?
Wish I could start over and stop my heart back then
You're a fool, too young
Common sense has yet to have sprung
Forth from your mind,
So stop crying and trying
to be something your not

Or you might get caught.

Gone

I am almost gone
It has been way to long
Since you looked my way
Smiled when you heard me say
Hello.

Now is the time to stop me
I'm leaving and I might not turn back
So stand in my way
I might be OK
But if this all meant nothing,


Good bye.

So close

My winter break begins at 125 tomorrow.

I've built it up in my mind as something amazing, but now I'm not so sure.

There are so many conflicting factors that have to all agree with each other in order for me to enjoy myself.

I need to have fun

Please.

I think I deserve it, but that is debatable (pun intended...)

Today

 I've officially stopped living in the past and begun living in the future. 

Maybe one day I'll learn to live life in the moment.

oh gawd

I still have paint in my hair... I swear I washed it 3 times. I lost for having a stain on my shirt at Long Beach, maybe I'll lose speaks for green paint blotches in my hair at Santa Clara. Or maybe I'll just stop fitting in with the debaters, which is probably a good thing.

Dance, Dance, Dance

Put Your iTunes, or any other music device on Shuffle.
1. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
2. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
3. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

How would you describe yourself?
Like A Virgin - Madonna (hahahaha)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Sloop John B - Beatles (ummm ok...)

How do you feel today?
It's Goin' Down - Yung Joc (haha, that's a clever one)

What is your life's purpose?
Wouldn't Be Nice - Beatles

What is your motto?
Let Me Fall - Alexz Johnson

What do your friends think of you?

What's Goin' On - MVPs (that actually sorta makes since)

What do you think of your parents?
Year 3000 - Jonas Brothers

What do you think about very often?
Something's Coming - West Side Story (haha ya, I sing this all the time)

What is 2+2?
Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance (this is a stupid question, there are barely any songs that work)

What do you think of your best friend?
SexyBack - Justin Timberlake (haha for sure)

What do you think of the person you like?
Heavenly- Skylar Blue (I've honestly never listened to this before, but it sounds like it works!)

What is your life story?
Mother's Little Helper - Rolling Stones (umm no way...)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Swing - Savage (haha dancer/whore? sure!)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Hotel California - Eagles (not at all...)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Faye - Skylar Blue (who is this Skylar Blue? I have no idea why these songs are on my iPod... but this totally works...)

What will they play at your funeral?
I Want To Hold Your Hand - Beatles (Please don't hold the hand of my cold, dead body...)

What is your hobby/interest?
Somewhere - West Side Story (Musical Theater/Obsessing over WSS... yesssss)

What is your biggest fear?
Heaven On Earth - Britney Spears

What is your biggest secret?
Mi Tumbao - Tres Coronas (haha that I have great moves)

What do you think of your friends?
Bottle It Up - Sara Bareilles

What will you post this as?
Dance, Dance, Dance - The Beach Boys

What up?

So basically, I had a positive outlook on today, probably due to my gold medal performance on my first "regular chemistry" test. But, seriously, I need to stop being so lame. Today I was in Ms. William's office and I was sitting on an armchair and I leaned back and suddenly I said "Oh, shit, please tell me this paint is not wet!" and sure enough when I lifted up my head the stocking came with me. How unfortunate. So i had paint in my hair for the rest of the day as well as glitter. What can I say, I'm trying to get in the Christmas spirit! Also, I really want to go to college. This acceptance thing is all so exciting! My second cousin once removed (so basically related but not technically incest if we slept together, not that that is in the cards in the near future...) got into one of his fall back colleges, UVM. Basically, I think that is really cool since now as long as he doesn't fuck everything up, he's set. This other guy I know has his acceptance/rejected posted but is not looking at it until he gets the letter!!! I would never be able to do that... Anyways. I'm gonna do this iPod shuffling thing that people post on myspace all the time but I'm using one that Javier did on facebook just because I don't feel like doing much right now.

current favorite alexz johnson song

Click the youtube video on the right, 3rd one down is best of "Anyone But You" by Alexz Johnson.

My realization, in laymen's terms. (read after the previous)

During my years as a clinically insane teenager, I struggled to find a good place for myself. I have always had friends around me, and occasionally a more-than-friend, but after my betrayal of a lifetime, I got used to the bad. I lived surrounded by negativity and a lack of trust, and, being at an impressionable age, I acclimated to it. Then, whenever things started to look shiny, inviting, and happy; I would focus on any little thing that was wrong and push the good away. Recently I did this. I felt such a strong feeling for this one guy, and as everything started to be right I thought, "Hey! why don't I attempt to screw everything up and (however innocently it may have been) cheat on him! it's not like we're dating, it'll be fine!" The next day, I was back in his arms and realized how stupid I was. I needed this. At least for whatever short time it may last, I needed to focus on the good not the bad. Then, it all got pushed to the back of my mind as pressure accumulated due to a certain history paper that I left to the last minute, my severe writers block that has kept me from touching my guitar, and my parents ragging on me about every little thing: I snapped. I have a habit that I thought I broke by being happy, but I felt the uncontrollable urge to return to it. I didn't know what to do. Finally, after having only 2 hours of sleep the night before, I ended the school day nearly freaking out completely while talking to one of my best friends. I called this person that I am so overwhelmed by and we met up. I was distracted from all my problems until I realized how lacking emotional depth the relationship really is. Something happened, and though any other day I would have responded in a second, I just collapsed. Despite what the stupid poem we read today in English says, truth is really what keeps relationships strong in any occasion. After being silent for who knows how long, I told him what was going on. I really did think he was gonna flip out, but his reaction made me want him more than I ever had so much that everything else went away. Then, when I got back to reality, everything else came back, but I learned that I can cope with everything. To have someone support me so much, and accept me as who I am will stay with me forever. Thats the best I can do to explain, but I am unbelievably enthralled with this person, and yesterday I saw that whether this lasts for a really, really long time; there is the potential, with or without our current activities, to have a lifetime friend.

(if you don't understand any of this. just ignore it. :) )

Sigh of relief

Yesterday was the day that I sighed with relief.

I was so scared that I had pushed him away.

I poured out my heart

Now he knows everything there is to know.

I can rest assured that he knows who I am

If this is what he wants, God knows, he can have it

But if it fails

I can live with it, knowing I gave it my all.

After we spoke, sharp objects stopped calling to me

I know in my soul that I have left that path forever.

I can't pin point the moment I stepped in or out of that life

But now I have all that I need.

The way the story goes is I kissed him.

The one that lacked the longing

The unstoppable, uncontrollable urge to fall into his arms and be his forever.

I realized then, to stop my subconscious, it had to come to the surface.

I never again will betray his trust,

If this doesn't work I'll be fine.

But, oh, if it does the light will shine down

And my happiness will continue for all time.

HELPPP

I am pretty sure I am one of only a handful of people who hasn't finished their civ paper.

I forget how much of my grade it is worth, but I know it's a helluva lot.

OMFGWTFJCMF!

This really sucks.

I hate long term assignments.

They always kick my ass since I fail at working ahead.

I always procrastinate.

No exceptions whatsoever.

I win the procrastination award of the year.

Yes. It is true.

Don't even try to deny it.

Unless you are in college.

Then just know that you are worse, but don't bother me.

@#$&%^(#*&!

Musical Theater

Musical Theater is a great example of true calculated spontaneity. The choreographer works his ass off to get the dancers to look like the dance wasn't choreographed.

(from left to right: Wyatt, Rachel, Paige, Jane, Amber, Blaine, Catalina, Kate, Suzy in a rehearsal of "Pain")

Current Favorite Song

She is basically my hero. Her music and entire being is amazing. I want to be her.

How Strong Do You Think I Am? 

-Alexz Johnson :)

If I don't cry, Do you think I don't feel?

If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't see,

And just because I want someone when I'm alone,

Doesn't mean I'm helpless,

That I can't stand on my own.

How far can we go before we break?

How long can I wait?

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong do you think I am

It's so hard to tell,

What's in your heart,

What you keep to yourself,

Is tearing me apart,

And should I be afraid,

To dream about you?

And if you feel the same,

What you going to do?

How far can we go before we break?

How long can I wait?

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong do you think I am

If I move in any closer,

If you let go and give yourself away,

and if we let this happen to us,

Everything will change.

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong,

How strong do you think I am?

How much can I take of this?

Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?

Or the breath at the end of a kiss?

How deep do you want to go, because I'll go there if I can,

You make it harder than it has to be,

How strong, how strong, how strong, how strong do you think I am?

Much Better

The origin of why my life is calculatedly spontaneous is a very long story and I do not feel the need to tell it. But this is a much better, less forced title than my original blog I created this morning. Now, back to avoiding my research paper.