New Years Resolution Fail

So I thought that the first resolution I would break would be Just Say No, but it turned out that I managed to start multitasking again without having to say yes. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'm back in December again, but with a lot more potential for people getting hurt because of me. Maybe he was right about what he said. I'm not sure. All I know is that I really need to figure this all out before it all disappears again like it did last time. The only other thing I know is that I don't want to. Whatever happens, I hope I am forgiven, but more so, I hope I can forgive myself. But, then again, forgiveness is supposed to come when the one being forgiven will actually try not to repeat their mistakes...

Not again...

I guess this is one of my posts in rant/rave form rather than poetry or song lyrics. 

Why on earth do I like one of my good friends? Why can't I just control myself and focus on school, music, and responsibility? I get so caught up in my boy-craziness that has developed into a desperate search for someone I can trust and hold on to. 

Wanted:

Someone who makes me laugh about the silliest things.

Someone who is consistently sweet.

Someone who gives good hugs.

Someone who holds my hand when I want to.

Someone who puts his arm around me and claim me as his own.

Someone who doesn't care what other people say as long as we're happy.

Someone who loves me for who I am.

Someone who doesn't make me make all the effort.

Someone who doesn't fear rejection from me because they know that I'll give them a chance.

The list could go on, but I'll stop here, after just this last note -

Someone who can see that they can be this person for me.

Fuck You.

Fuck You.

I actually cared about something

And you have to go and try to make me feel stupid.

Why can't you just appreciate the miracle

And stop trying to feel superior?

To-Do

-Chem Post - Lab

-Antigone Essay Outline

-Chem Practice Test

-Spanish Vocab Quizlet

-Study for Math Test

-Figure out when I'm taking the Math Test

-Civ Reading

-Chem Pre-Lab

-Civ Outline

-Study English Vocab

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:

:

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-Fall in Love

Where am I?

See them walking, walking, walking

Down this road ahead.

Hear them talking, talking, talking

Heading round the bend.

I dunno where this is going....

That song.

I wrote a coupla songs.

You might like to hear about them.

But my computer doesn't like copying and pasting onto blogger very much.

Too bad

Guess I'll have to take my lyrical genius elsewhere.

Like a dark corner

Where maybe someone will find me

And show me the way home.

Hello

Hello.

I am the one you've been missing.

The one every story tells you you need.

I'm right here.

Take my hand.

It may not feel right at first,

But it is.

I know it is.

Make me remember

Everything I gave away.

Reach into the embers

And hope that we don't have to stay.

Ow

Hereditary Neuropathy with Liability to Pressure Palsies

Sounds so complicated

Yet is so, so simple.

It took my soul from me

Holds it just out of reach, telling me to give it time.

So stupid.

Yet I can't keep my mind off it.

Never effected before

Now it feels like this nightmare

The strangest nightmare

Will never end.