musical auditions

Shit, man, I really want to be a musical theater star. It's like my life's ambition. Or, my past two year's ambition. I don't think anyone quite understands how unbelievably ecstatic I would be if I got a part in my school musical. I mean, now that I've lost cello for the time being, that is really my only other outlet that I really love. I will be happy being in ensemble, but having even a 10 second solo would make me the happiest anyone could ever see me.

Definitely

Most commonly misspelled word for me is definitely. I always spell it wrong! I usually say "def" even in real life, but when I try to type it I always write "definetly" every time. Luckily, my macbook underlines the misspelled words and I can change it but, wow, I feel stupid every time.

you broke my heart

My sister gave calculated spontaneity a whole new meaning today. After our mother-daughter Valentine's tea party, she and her friends Ori and Brooke wanted to take a valentine over to the house of a boy in their grade. I walked them over, and when they got there, Cat called him and said, "hey! come outside and look at the sky!" and he did. Then they were acting all silly like 13-yr-olds do, and she gave him a Valentine with a broken heart sticker which read "you broke my heart." he was so confused, and I still don't think he understands why they did it in the first place. On the way back, we said hi to their math teacher, which was also weird too since they don' t really talk. I mostly talked to her since I do that a lot, but they were so awkward. But that was definitely calculated spontaneity...

Musical Theater

Ok, so I have a confession to make. I am a complete musical theater freak. 

In 8th grade, they have an art elective for musical theater which culminates in a showcase of the best songs that you work on over the semester. I just went to my sister's tonight and basically, its the time where Poly kids either hate musical theater or get bitten by the musical theater bug and can't get way without a fight. My sister and I would be the latter. She isn't nearly as bad as me though, I was sobbing after the final show, but, then again, I was a complete emotional wreck in the 8th grade... and now for that matter...

But now, Broadway is my dream. I want to be (the first person maybe?) a broadway performer, director, and writer/composer. 

I wish life was a musical. 

I am still me

Some things make me turn around

and remember those days

Then I feel the past is gone

But the memories stay

They say to break things off quickly

It'll reduce the pain

So I let it all fly away

And when the sun shines, all I see is rain

I want the feeling to return

I need to feel my soul burn

I can't cry, too numb

So I just try, too dumb

Despite what I'm saying,

what I try to make new

I am still me

and the truth is still true

I forget that this ended

Since only one thing has changed

But the road I'm on turned

My heart rearranged

I didn't think I'd care

When I said good bye.

But I can't stop this yearning

No matter how hard I try.

I want this feeling to return

I need to feel my soul burn

I can't cry, too numb

So I just try, too dumb

Despite what I'm saying,

what I try to make new

I am still me

and the truth is still true.

I tell myself, I need to just move on

Brace my heart, please stand strong

When I hear that name

Oh I can't hear nothing.

Because nothing's the same

I thought there was something...

I want this feeling to return

I need to feel my soul burn

I can't cry, too numb

So I just try, too dumb

Despite what I'm saying

what I try to make new

I am still me

and the truth is still true.

obamar

I made up a new verb while taking my spanish final after the inauguration this morning

Obamar: to Obama, do things that Obama would do. Conjugated regularly.

President Obama habia obamado antes de todos. El define obamar.

My Mind

I often wonder about how the mind is organized. Of course, they've done many studies and you can take online quizzes to find out if you are left or right brained and such, but that doesn't really matter to me. What makes people so unique? Why do my thoughts flow as poetry one day, and random prose the next? Why do I spontaneously belt songs that don't even exist yet, or hum more refined concertos and symphonies that my head creates, but is never written? How can I be so ambitious in my dreams and goals, yet can't focus on simple things like school work? What defines something as "something Jane would do?"

Maybe I should hook some wires up to my brain, see what's going on in there.

Bumper Stickers I <3

To Do

1) Make a To-Do list

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2) Do the things listed to do

3) Put off number 2

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4) Where did the day go?

how i feel

this is what i just told one of my best friends jeffrey:

it makes me feel really lonely and shit when all other people talk about is their significant others or who they want to be their significant other and i just cant seem to get it together and i get all this shit for being experienced but i dont want to be experienced

id give all that up

if i could just have someone

to walk to class with

to hug when im sad

to hold my hand

to talk to until i fall asleep at night.

thanks Jeffrey, Trevor and Brittani.... I wish i could fully appreciate you.

magic

i want to feel the magic

the breeze flying through my hair

i know it might end up tragic

but i really don't seem to care

i wish you understood me

try to picture what's in my mind

i need to find out what you see

that made you think that i'm that kind

but i don't really need this

i should stop telling myself to go

but all of you i really miss

just end this, the answer is no!

let the magic come to you

your life can be magic too.

Fly

There it goes.

I watch it fly away

But I don't cry.

They all were routing for me

But I knew I couldn't fly

That way.

You may have thought that I should stay

But it might have been to much

It's for the best, don't contradict me.

Somebody once said

Once you turn the corner

You can't turn back.

I turned back,

Flew against the wind

And now I'm here again.

Just Say No!

OK. I don't like who I've become. So here is an amendment to my resolutions.

+ Just Say No. 

I realized that it has been a long time since I've had a real boyfriend. I've become accustomed to friends with benefits of the sort, and I think that it has negatively affected me. So from now on, no action below the waste for either party unless we are officially dating. Standards are key. I'm keeping my pants on.

Resolutions?

Here are my resolutions... I'm not sure yet whether I'm resolved to stick with them yet:

1) stop multitasking. this has multiple meanings, so i guess i'm multitasking by putting multiple tasks in this resolution. basically i need to stop multitasking means i need to stop being such a whore. for example, leading on other guys just to have them for potential rebound purposes when you're head over heels for another one is not ok. you end up hearing rumors about yourself that you don't want to hear...

this also applies to school work. facebook + essays = disaster. end of story.

2) lie more. now i know that sounds bad, but ever since a certain friend of mine betrayed me 2 years ago i have been really anti-lie. but i realize now that i just need to keep my personal life to myself and be a bit more like she who shall not be named and maybe one day everything will come back to haunt me, but screw it. i need an element of mystery. plus, i tell a few people everything and others bits of things and it ends up getting blown out of proportion and i dont really wanna deal with it.

3) fall in love. its cliche. but i kinda want to and i never have. its not a resolution cuz then it would be forced. of course, i have a certain person in mind but if i dont then i dont and its cool. teen love is stupid anyways... well... as far as i know...

4) get my goddam splits! i had my right for like a day and then i lost it again :( perseverance is

 key!

5) just the usual, grades, yea, cool.

6) don't get so goddam depressed. its bad for me. it makes my heart hurt. like physically. it could be bad...

Thats it thats all thats all there is.