My realization, in laymen's terms. (read after the previous)

During my years as a clinically insane teenager, I struggled to find a good place for myself. I have always had friends around me, and occasionally a more-than-friend, but after my betrayal of a lifetime, I got used to the bad. I lived surrounded by negativity and a lack of trust, and, being at an impressionable age, I acclimated to it. Then, whenever things started to look shiny, inviting, and happy; I would focus on any little thing that was wrong and push the good away. Recently I did this. I felt such a strong feeling for this one guy, and as everything started to be right I thought, "Hey! why don't I attempt to screw everything up and (however innocently it may have been) cheat on him! it's not like we're dating, it'll be fine!" The next day, I was back in his arms and realized how stupid I was. I needed this. At least for whatever short time it may last, I needed to focus on the good not the bad. Then, it all got pushed to the back of my mind as pressure accumulated due to a certain history paper that I left to the last minute, my severe writers block that has kept me from touching my guitar, and my parents ragging on me about every little thing: I snapped. I have a habit that I thought I broke by being happy, but I felt the uncontrollable urge to return to it. I didn't know what to do. Finally, after having only 2 hours of sleep the night before, I ended the school day nearly freaking out completely while talking to one of my best friends. I called this person that I am so overwhelmed by and we met up. I was distracted from all my problems until I realized how lacking emotional depth the relationship really is. Something happened, and though any other day I would have responded in a second, I just collapsed. Despite what the stupid poem we read today in English says, truth is really what keeps relationships strong in any occasion. After being silent for who knows how long, I told him what was going on. I really did think he was gonna flip out, but his reaction made me want him more than I ever had so much that everything else went away. Then, when I got back to reality, everything else came back, but I learned that I can cope with everything. To have someone support me so much, and accept me as who I am will stay with me forever. Thats the best I can do to explain, but I am unbelievably enthralled with this person, and yesterday I saw that whether this lasts for a really, really long time; there is the potential, with or without our current activities, to have a lifetime friend.

(if you don't understand any of this. just ignore it. :) )