This isn't happening...

SO, I wouldn't post this on here unless it was getting really bad. I'm scared. Don't worry, its nothing that will alarm you. Just something that stems from pain, sleepless nights, sadness, loneliness, helplessness. Oh, sorry, guess that sounds bad. I'm talking about love. No, don't get all excited, I'm not in love. But I'm just nervous. I haven't actually liked someone so much for a while, because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I like hookups. I like meaningless, ego-boosting fun, not emotional attachments. But at this point I can't stop thinking about this guy. I don't know what to do. He is not my type. Like DEFINITELY NOT. But he's perfect. I mean maybe just because I haven't seen him in a while, but at this point I'm not sure. I mean, he's the only person I want to talk to. I've been out of school for a few weeks now, and there's no one I miss more. That's why I'm scared of relationships. Good relationships stem from pain and I don't know if I want to deal with it. Not that this will turn into relationship. It can't. I have to much self control for that. I have control over my life and everything in it. Just like Brian said. I don't know. I just have had this on my mind for a while and I don't know what to think. I'm tired of relating to songs...